Saturday, August 21, 2010

"If Loving You is Wrong...."

Love is what it is; Love. It is a very delicate subject (living or non-, whichever you choose). But the subject of love - in this hereto piece referring to love between a man and a woman - is fragile yet heavy and runs to unimaginable depths. Love is a feeling, a choice/decision of foolery or of brave-hearts... Whatever you may think love to be, it is this only that can in totality describe it: Love is a mystery. Honestly, that's what I think. But if anyone (and you so know you're not God)can really and truly explain this plain yet complex word and it's intricacies, then by all means do. I'll just sit back with legs up on the couch and a bottle of coca-cola in my hand and watch you make an a*^ of yourself. Hee-haw!

So, anyways, love is a mystery... chai! My pastor/friend/brother says that. I have been in love and have loved deeply, some decisions (of foolery) and others, a very adhesive-grasping feeling that I just couldn't shake off...... at that time. But, I write this piece for a reason: I am in Love. I love and am loving. And this time, love did confuse me, leave my mind in a fix, and knocked me up side my head. I wonder why it almost always is that the ones who would give their lives for you are right there under your nose, and you just can't seem to stop chasing the smoke from the dying fire in the passing vehicle.

This time when I loved and still do love, I made a decision (of brave-heart) and had that strong adhesive feeling.I am loving like I've never loved before, and folks, does it feel soooooo good. I don't know why; maybe it's because I can't shake the thought/feeling that this was meant to be and I just kept pushing it away; or maybe because I know he loves me so deeply with his soul; or maybe it's just because I know he would give himself in entirety just for me ( although I don't need him to do that cos the ONE who has done that surpasses all, but just having the knowledge that it is indeed very possible). Or maybe I do know why it feels so good; maybe it's because he was relentless in his "pursuit of 'have-me-hood'"; or maybe it's because no matter how much and how many times I pushed him away, he always came back; maybe it's because he built a fort where I could go and hide from everyone and everything; maybe it's because he became a shoulder to lean on and a solid rock right beside me; maybe it's because I finally realized that he was all I needed and more and he was always there, no matter where I turned; or maybe it's because..... he's him and I'm me. I think we were meant to be.

But it's funny how love tends to play us. One minute, we hate/loathe/cannot stand the presence or the thought of being with a certain person, and then the next, we love that one so deeply that it hurts to draw a breath when he's not near... Love is a mystery... Chai!

For God so loved the world that HE gave... Love gives - that is the most important fact of love. It does not hold back.

Sha this love sha..... this thing called love ehn... Kai!

So, to the man I love with all my heart, body, and soul: If loving you is wrong, then I choose to wallow in my ignorance and guilt. I love you, beau.

'Nuff said.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Tale of one Li(ves)...

Like my friend would say sometimes, "my life is under a pen cover". Well, at the moment, sitting at home, 'job-ful' and jobless at the same time, that is exactly how I feel. I know somewhere inside of me, that it is but for a short while... I am most likely going to be on the move by the coming weekend (happy weekend everyone).
So, as I was saying, other times, I actually feel like I'm beginning to live my life, not so much so to it's fullest, but I'm getting there. By the end of next week, i could be anywhere from Abuja to Lagos (here) to Owerri. Anywhere I find myself, though, I pray I achieve whatever it is I set out in the first place to achieve, so help me God.
Then, a friend of mine called me to tell me she was sure her relationship had ended. Ehn?! That's all I could say because this relationship is one that I have been a strong advocate for. Then one arabasco babe that thinks her middle name is stickler decided to show up and warn a friend of my friend to tell my friend (does that even make sense?!) to stay away from "her" boyfriend. What arrant nonsense! And my friend was doing just that, not even to the man in question about the confrontation. Me, I was like "you have got to be kidding me!" But seriously, how can one rubbish ge just show up and want to break down my building hoping it would crumble like a sand castle or a pack of cards. Lai lai o! Me I no gree. Whish kain? But, right now, I feel like the game is out of my hands... She's gonna have to play tough and talk to man, then in my own opinion o, she's got to get to that girl somehow and talk things out maturely (indeed! Not!). Mschwwww. Na wa sha for we girls o! The extent to which some of us would go to pursue man that is not our own sha! (hmnnnn!!!! Let me just hear or see or find out any girl is after my boyfriend... na disfiguring and rearrangement of body parts the person dey find!). Anyhoo, all, I can do now is sit back and hope beyond hope that it all turns out good.
It's actually been a while I blogged... I'm not even going to say anymore than that. I may or may not know what is wrong with my procrastinating brain. I think it's actually time to get professional help; you know, someone who's going to chop a whole lot of the money I don't have, keeping me seated and asking me in a very annoying monotonous voice, devoid of any emotion or concern, "so, Barbara, how many pages did you write today?" Mschwwww. Naisence. God help me sha.
Well. For someone who hasn't written a thing that made sense in the past God-knows-how-long-months, this blog is a miracle... Actually didn't think I'd make it. lol.
Nuff said.

I miss my boyfriend bad. Probably should keep that thought to myself, but what the hey? It's MY blog! Phbbt!