Love is what it is; Love. It is a very delicate subject (living or non-, whichever you choose). But the subject of love - in this hereto piece referring to love between a man and a woman - is fragile yet heavy and runs to unimaginable depths. Love is a feeling, a choice/decision of foolery or of brave-hearts... Whatever you may think love to be, it is this only that can in totality describe it: Love is a mystery. Honestly, that's what I think. But if anyone (and you so know you're not God)can really and truly explain this plain yet complex word and it's intricacies, then by all means do. I'll just sit back with legs up on the couch and a bottle of coca-cola in my hand and watch you make an a*^ of yourself. Hee-haw!
So, anyways, love is a mystery... chai! My pastor/friend/brother says that. I have been in love and have loved deeply, some decisions (of foolery) and others, a very adhesive-grasping feeling that I just couldn't shake off...... at that time. But, I write this piece for a reason: I am in Love. I love and am loving. And this time, love did confuse me, leave my mind in a fix, and knocked me up side my head. I wonder why it almost always is that the ones who would give their lives for you are right there under your nose, and you just can't seem to stop chasing the smoke from the dying fire in the passing vehicle.
This time when I loved and still do love, I made a decision (of brave-heart) and had that strong adhesive feeling.I am loving like I've never loved before, and folks, does it feel soooooo good. I don't know why; maybe it's because I can't shake the thought/feeling that this was meant to be and I just kept pushing it away; or maybe because I know he loves me so deeply with his soul; or maybe it's just because I know he would give himself in entirety just for me ( although I don't need him to do that cos the ONE who has done that surpasses all, but just having the knowledge that it is indeed very possible). Or maybe I do know why it feels so good; maybe it's because he was relentless in his "pursuit of 'have-me-hood'"; or maybe it's because no matter how much and how many times I pushed him away, he always came back; maybe it's because he built a fort where I could go and hide from everyone and everything; maybe it's because he became a shoulder to lean on and a solid rock right beside me; maybe it's because I finally realized that he was all I needed and more and he was always there, no matter where I turned; or maybe it's because..... he's him and I'm me. I think we were meant to be.
But it's funny how love tends to play us. One minute, we hate/loathe/cannot stand the presence or the thought of being with a certain person, and then the next, we love that one so deeply that it hurts to draw a breath when he's not near... Love is a mystery... Chai!
For God so loved the world that HE gave... Love gives - that is the most important fact of love. It does not hold back.
Sha this love sha..... this thing called love ehn... Kai!
So, to the man I love with all my heart, body, and soul: If loving you is wrong, then I choose to wallow in my ignorance and guilt. I love you, beau.